To Be Pretty

A girl told me recently that I look like a goat. A goat that eats grass ..she said ...The last part was not needed seeing as goat are herbivores.  Her insult was not creative . 

(And frankly goats are adorable)

She's so pretty( I'm only saying its a she cause the goat doesn't have any horns and for a country girl from Jamaica Ion know a shii about animals)

 It was dumb but every dumb stupid insult that has ever being directed at my appearance I have taken it. 

I hate that I let people's opinions on my appearance dictate how I feel about myself. I have been complimented and insulted and I mostly remember the insults. I just love to find different ways to torment myself. 

I'm weird, have always been weird.   

Sometimes I don't think Im ugly. I have my mother's face and she's the most beautiful woman I have ever met.  My sister is also like a younger version of me and, she's the prettiest girl I have ever seen.

I don't understand why I can see the beauty in them but I see none in me. I can be kind to the them but I lack the same emphathy for myself?

Did the words of some fools really fuck me up that bad? Did they scar me so deep that when I look in the mirror I don't see someone worthy and beautiful  but when I look at a mother with features identical to mine, I see someone who deserves the world and more.

I wish I loved myself.  I wish I could wash away every hurtful word said to me with beautiful words I said to myself. I wish I wasn't so weak.

That's it guys. If I go any further, i might sstart to go on a rant that I'm only ugly cause the only form of skincare I have is a natural soap I bought a month ago .

Lol.

 Im sorry if my pist doesn't make sense. I'm hurting and quite sad. It's really silly though to be this distraught over silly little comments to my appearance. 

Anywho . Be kind and don't be bitches.

Yours truly,

JustaDreamer