Depression

 I think anxiety came first. Then she invited her friend, Depression. He really fucked me up. You see anxiety made me stutter,  made me question and made me doubt.  But depression it made me wallow. It took the parts of myself that were good and said they weren't good.

Depression is a sickness that I feel like I deserved. It's a hell I created.  It's me against the fight against myself.

I'm not good at describing Depression and how it affects me which is funny because I'm suppose to be a writer.  I guess that's Depression at work.  I can't find the words because a part of me believes that I am an awful writer, clutching on to a dream I made up as a child which was just only an outlet to help escape my fucked up life.

Depression is like having a weight strapped tp your chest. It makes breathing harder. It makes walking harder. It makes everything harder.

I dont know if I can escape Depression. I'm a prisoner with a life sentence. 

Its me against me

Fighting a battle that no one understands

And the more I try to explain it

The more everything comes out wrong

I'm sad and I'm racked with guilt 

 Why should I be sad? I should get over it

I live in Jamaica where mental health isn't real

And any mental health problems people have are just "make believe"

I'm young. I should be having  "fun"

 What's your problem. Juss smile nuh man

I wish I could fix all my problems with a smile

It doesn't work that way though

Apparently healing isn’t an easy fix 

And temporary smiles only hide the dark

It doesn't get rid of it 

   Your writer, 

JustaDreamer