Life Gave Me Lemons and I Did Not Make Lemonade

 

Hello there,

If you somehow stumble unto my blog, welcome. This is my page where I post how much my life is a mess and every once in a while post an encouraging tidbit. Truth be told this is to help me pretend I'm a somewhat successful writer. (I'm unpublished, unemployed, unhappy girl who can't even afford a laptop). 

Perhaps that a bit too much but its freeing to overshare besides its annoynymous and I'm not ashamed of being poor. And yes Im one of those unfortunate souls who was born into poverty that were told if you work hard enough you just might get rich!!!

Hasn't happen for me. Still a brokiee😞

I still dream though. I think that's poor people's hope . Dreams. If we don't dream what do we have to look forward to . Another year in a leaky house as termites knaw away at the board. Another year trying to achieve a fruitless and failing.  Another year that is just the same, minor changes , no huge differences.

I have a dream though. To become an author.  To have my words impact people. To make someone smile, cry or laugh.  To transport them into a world of magic and adventure albeit for a few hours as their realities are anything but.

Of course I have other dreams. I want to own a house, learn to drive, move my family into a home they can call their own. Take my younger siblings out and have them enjoy their childhood for once instead of just going to school and worrying whether or not they are going to get the rest of their school supplies. 

I have smaller dreams. My birthday is  coming up and I've always wanted a birthday cake. I have never had that. It's silly but I would want a cake just once. Perhaps it would heal that little girl inside of me. 

Of course I realized I have strayed from the title but I suppose that's how my mind works.  I don't have any point to this blog. I'm just pouring out the thoughts from my brain onto a website. Life has given me a lot of lemons. I was born into a life of poverty and have been aware of that fact from a very tender age which turned my childhood into  worrying about the bills and coming up with ways to escape the predicament I was born into. I was also blessed with apparently extraordinary intelligence (I thought myself to be quite average) and I believed that it could have been my way out .. How wrong I was. I was also cursed with mental health problems which for poor people just sucks cause I couldn't afford therapy or treatment (still cant) even when I would shut down for days on end. 

I've gotten a lot of lemons.  Sure enough I have tried to climb out of the hole I was born into I haven't.  Guess I'm not a good climber.

But I still dream even though I haven't tasted the lemonade yet. 

My life's a mess in reference to the blog title . I still live in my childhood home which as of late has become a tenement yard (I'm from Jamaica and it's an expression describe a home with people who make living with them unbearable (my cousin and their immediate family)

I suppose that's it for now.  Will people see this??? I'm doubtful. Will anyone care??? Fuck no. Human beings have lost compassion a long time ago. I know that cause even my own is quite scare. I don't expect much from this. As Im not showing my face, or offering sex or doing some basic humiliation ritual.  Although I'm ranting about my shitty life which is sort of humiliating in it self. I just don't have anyone to share this with. Friends are few and therapy is expensive. (That quote was lit. I love my brain sometimes)

Anywho bye 👋 . See you next time for another episode of are you poorer than me or does your life suck like mine. It may be three weeks or three minutes from now. My life unpredictable like that.

Yours truly:

Justadreamer

Ps: the photos are from google.